you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
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Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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