I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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