"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
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Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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