I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
