If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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