I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
