ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
