im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
