Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
