i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
