Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
