I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
