I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
