There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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