Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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