i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
