the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
