Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
