So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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