not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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