Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Such a big mess for such a small penis
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
