Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
