I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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