I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
