So drunk its hurt
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
