my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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