that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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