I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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