i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
