i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
