apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
