I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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