onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
