she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
