I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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