all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The beer is more important than you right now.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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