oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize