Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize