I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
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found the other keg... it's in the tree
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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