So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
