if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
