so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
