Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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