I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
