i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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