just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
