god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
