grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
