Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize