Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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