i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
