I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think I sprained my soul last night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
