i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
