Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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