Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize