saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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