yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
