I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
