Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
