Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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